so a catholic walks into a deli....it's a bread joke, it totally works!

So today...inspired by an issue of Cooks Magazine (I was eyeballing my Cooks collection all last night) I decided to bake bread.  Yes, you heard it..... bake bread.  And yes, I know I can get in my car and probably have a crusty loaf in my hot little hands in under 10 minutes, but the recipe seemed SO EASY...why not try right?

Don't get me wrong.  I've tried to make bread MANY MANY times, always ending with a heavy loaf of something that resembled bread, but was unpleasant.  Too heavy, too tasteless or with a terrible soggy crust or hard as a stone throughout.  Bread isn't easy....or so i thought until today.

The hardest part about this recipe is that it takes an entire day.  You can't decide you want bread for dinner at 5pm, you make this in the morning and THEN its ready at dinner.

Here are the steps...AMAZING is all I have to say.

To start with, I was impressed that this bread only has 6 ingredients.
DRY
3 cups flour
1.5 teaspoon salt
.25 teaspoon rapid yeast
WET
7 oz water
3 oz lite pilsner beer
1 T. vinegar

First off, in a big bowl combine the dry ingredients.  Then make a well and add the wet stuff.  Use a spatula to mix.  Start by scraping down the dry sides into the liquid.  Continue until all the dry is now combined and you have a ball that looks sorta like play-do.

I would have photographed at this step was I not so sure this was to be a complete FAIL.....sorry....oh ye of little faith.

So put some plasic wrap over your big bowl and let that dough rest 8 to 18 hours on your counter.  YES!  I SAID IT....8 to 18 hours....thats a long time...i know...

I chose 8.  Next put the dough on a floured surface and knead 15 times or so.  I don't need to explain how to knead, do I?  I hope not....ok...just flatten in out with the palm of your hand, then fold the shape in half...that counts a ONE KNEAD.....then flatten out, and fold....TWO KNEADS....and so on. 
Place a piece of parchement paper in a saute pan and spray it with cooking spray.  Place your kneaded ball seam side down in the pan and let rest ANOTHER TWO HOURS....I know...it seems extreme...its worth it. 

Now when its coming to the end of the second hour....put your Dutch oven (or French oven) or whatever big pot you make chili in that has a lid.....into the oven THEN turn it up to 500.   When the dough is done rising and the oven temp is 500, place the parchment paper of dough into the (very hot handly with care) French oven ---and you can let the sides hang out.  Cut a slit in the top of the dough, put the lid on the pot.  Close oven door and bake 35 minutes....oh yes...i forgot....a lot of heat slipped out when you had the oven door open.  Turn the temp down to 425.

I used an oven themometer because I have one....but after 35 minutes I could tell the bread just needed a tiny more crisping.  Remove the lid and cook for 10 minutes or so. You want the internal temp to be 210......

Then carefully remove the bread from that pot (its damn hot).....and try to wait until dinner to eat.....For real....its good.


And full disclosure on the title of this post...the joke or pondering, or quote by Milton Berle...
"every time a guy walks into a deli and orders a pastrami on white, somewhere a Jew dies." 

to stew...to stew

So beef stew it is....
or you can be fancy and call it Boeuf Bourguignonne..
but either way.....you start with MEAT!

I used a bottom round roast and cut it up myself.  (Mostly because it was a little bit cheaper and i have good sharp knives.  My neice Courtney has a pink knife...That is just ridiculous right? OK that will be another entry)  You could use the stew meat that is pre-cut at the grocery, but i'd make the peices smaller.  You don't want a ginormous piece of meat on your spoon, really, you don't.

The first thing you do is get your big Le Creuset French Oven or whatever deep pan you've got.  (it should be a pan that can go from stovetop to oven)  See how I'm boasting about my pan...you can see it here.  

it is orange.  it is heavy.  it is fabulous.

So the next step is to brown a few slices of bacon in your pan.  I also threw in some of the fat which i cut off my roast.  You can pretend that you are making BLTs.  go kinda slow, you don't want to burn the bacon.

Preheat oven to 450 at this point.  Next, remove the bacon from the pan and brown your meat in two or three batches. 

NOTE!  YOU MUST DRY THE MEAT WITH PAPER TOWELS OR A HAND TOWEL OTHERWISE IT WILL NOT BROWN!   When each batch is brown move it to the paper towels where you've put the bacon (did i mention that earlier?)  Oh well.  Ok now add 2 sliced carrots and 2 sliced onions....real roughly chopped.  Stir them with your wooden spoon in the saute fat until brown.

Now return everything (not the bacon) to the pan and stir.  Then sprinkle a couple of TBL of flour over all of it and a good shake of salt and pepper..  See picture below...and put the pan in the hot oven for five minutes. After five remove the pan, stir and put back in for 5 more minutes.

The rest is all smoke and mirrors.  (that means, easy)

After the second 5 minute stint in the oven pull the pan out, and turn the oven down to 325.  Just leave the door ajar while you do the following.  Add one bottle of a full bodied red wine,  i use a cab...you don't need to use your best stuff.  But it should be something you wouldn't mind drinking.

Then add enough beef broth to just cover the meat.
1 TB tomato paste (i use Hunts in the tiny steel can)
2 mashed cloves of garlic

1/2 t. thyme

1 bay leaf

Cover and put back in the oven (its now 325) for 2 to 3 hours.

During the last half hour of cooking i add
1/2 a  bag of those small frozen onions,
a big handful of button mushrooms,
and several handfuls of fresh green beans.

I always serve my BEEF STEW over mashed potatoes.
See below.

Smartfood........is it smart?

I never had this stuff until college.  A girl in my sorrority used to have it delivered from Connecticut to her in large packages that came once a month and pretty much always around finals!  Its amazing....and cheesy...and amazing.

My dog seems to be addicted to it.  He's only had a few kernels that have missed the sides of my mouth.    When i have the bag out he gives me a look that makes me think he wants to bite my face off, its disturbing.
Anyhow, i'm on a smartfood binge today.  Send more please...oh wait, i can get a bag at 7-11....what joy.

Katherine Hepburn brownies

So tonight, in a hunger and sam adams induced moment of genius--- i made brownies.

Not just any brownies.  Katherine Hepburn Brownies.  For real. They're good.

I was lucky because after I started the recipe, i noticed i needed two ounces of chocolate (i thought i'd use the hershey cocoa powder) but the recipe called for "a SQUARE"  And wouldn't you know, i had one.  it was deep in the baking container, next to the half full jar of rainbow sprinkles.  The downside of this recipe is that it takes 40 minutes to bake, and I was hungry.  The upside is it calls for walnuts and b/c my kids hate walnuts, these brownies will be mine, all mine (insert evil laugh)

FRIEDGRAVY

You needed a bigger and better photograph of this whole deal.  See the gravy?  See the fried goodness?  Yes, come to MAMA....

Chicken Fried STEAK!

Holy hell.  This dish is comfort food at its finest...
I was gifted a Comfort Food Cookbook for my birthday last weekend, and Peter (smartly) dog-earred the Chicken Fried Steak page... heretofore referred to as CFS.  My mouth watered just looking at it.


Kristy, I will post the steps in this process but I have a bad feeling that you will never ever even try it.  It took about an hour to prepare, but it was diner goodness.

I need to work out for like 6 additional hours to work off all the fat & butter and fried amazing goodness, but oh well, it was worth it.
Check out that GRAVY!

A little rain must fall...

Ok we've been hurricaning here on the East Coast, so I haven't posted.  I know NOT what my partner in crime is up to (eating?) because she hasn't posted....in....well....TOO LONG!  How are we going to make it to the talk show circuit if you fall off the wagon like this?

Well this photo is just to show you, that even I have serious failures in the kitchen at times.  This last night's dinner (i know LAME) but I was in a mood, didn't want to feed my family, and a grilled turkey and swiss seemed perfect.  THEN...the phone rang..and this is what happened...

BOOOOOOO......I scraped off the burnt and still ate it.  It was MOSTLY tasty.  Kristy, what do you have to say about this?